Christians sex before marriage: this is the one scary thing you need to know
Doubt is the most common reason a couple doesn’t wait to have sex.
Doubting God’s word is true.
And yet, for all the verses we read on marriage, the Bible explicitly stating that sex is only allowed within the boundaries of marriage… it’s tough waiting.
- Waiting on a Friday night is tough.
- Waiting when you’re aroused is tough.
- And waiting because God said so is tough.
However… If you choose to abstain, remember that payback for obedience comes in forms other than God leading you to your future spouse.
Clarify your needs and desires by asking yourself:
- What problems do I have that only God can solve?
- What areas in my life are empty?
- What are the solutions being offered for any lack in my life?
- What actions do I need to take to get God to move?
Christians sex before marriage: Our God is attracted to holiness and purity. Righteousness. And he’ll never not reward a season of abstinence. A blessing comes on a married couple who choose to wait, but the opposite is also true: not waiting is, in fact, disobedience and usually leads to complications. When you make a decision to wait, God seals your marriage with a blessing that impacts your whole life.
But when you don’t wait, the reverse is true…
The scary thing you need to know?
Disobedience gives satan an inroad and he’ll gain a foothold in your life.
Pastor and author Vlad Savchuk said, “One of the reasons we don’t sin as Christians isn’t just so we stay away from jail and don’t go to hell. The reason why we don’t sin as Christians is so satan stays away from us. If there is no heaven and hell—if there is no eternity—I still wouldn’t want to sin, just because I don’t want to have a thief in my house.”
Christians sex before marriage
The dangers of sex before marriage
1. It lessens your value
According to Mark Gungor, men and women imprint on each other during sex in different ways. Men imprint on their experiences and try to recreate those experiences in the future, over and over again.
So if the first experience was adventurous and in a nightclub, for example, a man will try to recreate that experience every time he has sex, looking for the fun, flames, and fantasy he had the first time.
If, however, the focus was a wedding ceremony—family and friends who approve of the union—and, most important, a virgin bride… the focus shifts to the woman, her value and worth.
“All men approve of premarital sex… until they have a daughter.”—Unknown
A woman, on the other hand, focuses on the after. What happens after sex? Is there something to look forward to in the future with the man? Can she talk about her first time openly? Or does she feel ashamed and need to hide it?
If there’s nothing after sex, if the man made no sacrifice or commitment to be with her and only her going forward… her self-worth decreases.
And, sadly, her value diminishes in the man’s eyes, too.
2. Premarital sex skews God’s original plan for intimacy
If you repeatedly go against God’s word, you’ll no longer have inner convictions, a conscience, if you will, about what’s right and wrong. Hebrews 14:4 states, “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral.”
The root, the bond, between a couple who have sex runs deep. But when that bond, a soul tie, is broken, it’s one of the most painful experiences a person can have in this world.
“Any time two people come together sexually, there’s supposed to be a soul tie formed. That’s how God intended it. He intended for the act of sex to be the most powerful bond two humans can have. It’s supposed to bind you in a three-banded cord—emotionally, spiritually, and physically. So when we come together, there’s supposed to be a connection that makes us want to be together again and again. What happens is, when you do the act with somebody that you’re not in covenant with, that you’ve committed your life to, a tie is formed with somebody who is going to leave. When God recognized marriage in the Bible, it wasn’t the wedding dress, it wasn’t the party, it was when a husband and wife came together and consummated the marriage. At that moment, a soul tie was formed.”—Vlad Slavchuk
3. Short-term gratification at the cost of no covenant—no protection
Sex feels amazing, I’m not going to lie. But millions of teen moms, wish—pray—they could have their virginity back. It’s true that sex is all fun and flames.
Until it’s not.
It’s like two pieces of construction paper being super-glued together. Then, when you try to rip those pieces of paper apart, you find that both of them are going to have pieces of whatever that other color was on each other.—Vlad Slavchuk
Imagine what your soul would like if you had sex with 10 or 20 people.
Besides trust issues, could this be the reason for so many mental health problems in the world today?
“How many people are we married to without saying I do?”—Michael Todd
4. Guilt, fear, and poverty become commonplace
Pregnancy, STDs, and AIDS are just three consequences of premarital sex.
If you’re a woman, imagine for a moment falling pregnant outside of marriage.
Besides the initial trauma and complications, raising a baby by yourself is painful. A man can promise that he’ll be there for you until he is blue in the face—but it’s the poor woman who loses her whole life when she falls pregnant at a young age and outside of marriage.
Besides not raising a baby in a family with a father, premarital sex outside of marriage has spiritual consequences that lead to poverty:
“Fornication and sexual sin lead to poverty. If you want to protect your money, protect your morality. Your moral life has to be insured by God. Otherwise, your finances are not protected. In fact, satan doesn’t attack your finances if he wants to attack your finances. He will attack your morality first. Why? Because when you lose your purity, you lose your prosperity. God will protect your prosperity if you pursue purity. If you want to prosper, live pure. If you want to be poor, then honestly, live by your passions. Let your appetites, let your urges, let your lust dictate your actions, and I promise you… you will be poor.”—Vlad Slavchuk
5. Your closeness with the Holy Spirit is damaged by sexual sin.
The Holy Spirit doesn’t push or prod. He gives us choices. And in His mind, you are highly valued, so why would He condone putting you in a situation that will cost you or even ruin your life?
Just like how a relationship between two people strengthens as they get to know each other, so will your relationship with the Holy Spirit deepen the more time you spend with Him.
But His voice shouldn’t become more distant when you are faced with a life-changing decision. The more you talk to him, the more you should sense his presence.
God created sex—he is not a prune, as some people think. However, for sex to be enjoyed to its full, you need to feel safe.
In every relationship in the Bible where there’s more than one woman or man… trouble followed:
- Abraham, Sarah, and Hagar
- Jacob, Rachel, and Leah
- David, Uriah, and Bathsheba
- Solomon and all his wives
The truth is that…
Your purpose in this world extends further than sex. Whether you are 17, 27, or 67, married or unmarried, you’ll quickly learn that sex is not the ultimate goal in life; you’ll want more.
The scary thing is that just one moment—a minute of penetration—can ruin your whole life and rob you of your purpose.
The bottom line
Having a close relationship with our Father means not being like the world. The people who God uses don’t compromise.
This doesn’t mean you won’t make mistakes, though. Today you might know what to do, tomorrow you won’t, but most important, each day you need to commit to spending time in His presence—and not because you have to, but because you want to.
Again, it’s okay if you don’t understand God. And it’s okay if you’re confused by what He wants you to do next.
But not being set apart will cost you.
Remember, the Holy Spirit will never contradict God’s Word. If you’re hearing a voice telling you it’s okay to have sex before marriage—you’re listening to the wrong voice.
If you’re determined to walk in God’s will for your life and come into the fullness of what He has for you, you need to act on His guidance when He directs you, or ‘hear’ what He is saying through His silence.
Your wedding night shouldn’t be about “I’ve done this before; I know what to do,” but rather, “I haven’t done this before—I don’t want to do this with anyone but YOU!”
Abstinence isn’t a price you pay. Waiting is a short season of qualifying to be a bride or bridegroom who is holy, healed, and whole—someone who is able to offer all of themselves to their partner.